So here I am...4 years later really....looking
back on my last blog.
Jonathan did not survive his virus and died in Brigham and Women's hospital on January 31, 2010. I still can't believe it as I write these words four years later.....
The beautiful child on the top of the page is Evelyn. She was born about 2 months before Jonathan died. My first...and only at this point...grandchild, born on her dad's birthday.
How all these things came to pass, I am still not quite sure. It's all mixed up and seems almost magical to me. It is if I am, and was, on automatic pilot.
I am able to get through most days although there are tears in all of them. Every morning I walk in the dark and look up at the stars trying to connect the dots and make some sense of it. Some days I get wisdom from the quiet...other days I accuse myself of wrongdoing and think I am serving penance for past deeds....my price is losing a husband and son.
Of course, in my heart of hearts, I know that is not true. I count my blessings everyday. My life is where it should be. I am on a trajectory of learning the most important things about myself.
Would I trade it all to get one minute back of the past?
Yes.
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